Broken
by arte0135
Summary: One day a familiar owl delivers a journal to Draco that unleashes the memories he desperately tried to forget. Please read the warnings!


Warnings: male x male love; character bashing; contains depressing thoughts, cutting and mentions of suicide.

Harry Potter does not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling, so I own nothing

Rating: M due to dark thoughts

Prologue:

It was early morning when Draco Malfoy received a journal. It was familiar to one that he had given away long ago as a gift. The owl that delivered it made a lump begin to appear in his throat.

It was _his_ owl. _Him_. The one person he had unjustly wronged. And the owl knew it too. Hedwig, the beautiful white owl, glared at him. Blaming him.

She quickly left him the journal and flew off as her eyes reproached him. The accusation clear in her intelligent, amber eyes.

He stopped the memories from invading his mind. The memories that he had made himself forget, but he was never successful.

Those memories never left; instead they assaulted him and reminded him of his sin against _him_… and himself. Not even in the privacy of his own mind did he call _him_ by _his_ name. He had lost that right.

No, that was not correct; he had not lost that right, but had thrown it away. He closed his eyes to stop that train of thought, fearing the direction they would lead him to. But, those thoughts would not be silenced and it became clear that he was at fault, that he was the one to blame.

After the war, he and his family were discovered to have been spies.

They had discovered that he had entered Hogwarts as an eleven year old boy with a mission. That he had made friends with his enemies and had belittled those that were his allies in order to infiltrate the Slytherin house to either save his classmates from a life of servitude or impair those who were faithful to Voldemort.

They had discovered that he had made himself hated, so the one person he had taunted and bullied could be saved. He had played his role, knowing that he would never be thanked, but spat at. He had done it and succeeded.

And for all those reasons, he was admired and considered a hero. But they did not know the dark truth that he tried to make himself forget. He was not brave, courageous or noble.

No, he was scum.

And _he_ knew it. _He_ knew that he was no hero. He was a coward. And a vile one at that. Only that could describe what he had done to _him_.

And he was reminded of his sin by having to see _his_ face, the ultimate physical proof that he was beyond forgiveness.

His hand caressed the cover of the leather-bound journal. One year ago, he had given _him_ this journal as a tool to better organize _his_ thoughts and express _his_ emotions away from all the wandering eyes.

He remembered how _he_ had smiled; such a brilliant smile that made _his_ beautiful green eyes sparkle. That smile was the most brilliant smile _he_ had ever given and it was directed at him. _He_ had smiled at him. And _his_ eyes had shown _his_ exuberance.

The lump in his throat became unbearable and it made it harder to shallow. So many emotions ran through him.

Disgust.

Anger.

Hopelessness.

Despair.

Guilt.

Always the guilt that ate him from the inside out. It gnaw at the edge of his brain, threatening to destroy him. And it was always accompanied by memories.

Those damnable memories.

His words repeated themselves over and over again in his head and they made him wanted to scream until his lungs gave out and his throat burned. And that made his heart swell with self-hatred and self- loathing.

But, he deserved it.

He had earned it.

He deserved the pain and the hurt. After all, he had made his decision with his eyes wide open.

And if _he_ wanted him to suffer and to submerge himself in his hate, who was he to deny _him_? _He_ had earned the right to destroy him.

So with these thoughts in mind, he opened the journal and closed his eyes at the first words: Harry James Potter.

* * *

A/N: This story will be written in a diary format and will include inner thoughts and reflections over dialogue. Since, I had to choose between two genres, which were romance and tragedy. I want to make you aware that this story includes: hurt/comfort, angst, family and friendship. Please review.


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